I Did My Breast

I remember, just over a year ago in fact, the first visit with the midwife after finding out I was pregnant.  It was all very surreal having wanted a baby for my entire adult life but just accepting that it wouldn't happen for me...it's not that I couldn't concieve, just never met anyone who wanted to have a baby with me. 
So there we were discussing various baby-related topics when she asked me about feeding the baby and what were my plans.  She had a whole speech ready about the benefits of breastfeeding but it wasn't required.  Myself and my siblings were exclusively breastfed (until at least age 2) and I was 100% adamant that I would do the same.  It's nutritious, ready-mixed, always available, just the right temperature and totally free.  The midwife seemed very pleased, (probably as she didn't have to reel off the long speech about breastfeeding), and she said I would be surprised at the number of people who bottlefeed.  I remember thinking that there must be a lot of lazy people around and even uttered the words "it should be made illegal not to breastfeed".  Seriously, this was my attitude and it's one that I feel very stupid for now...so narrow-minded and judgemental.
Fast-forward now to my ante-natal classes and the demonstration on breastfeeding, (bottle feeding wasn't up for discussion it would seem).  A small marble was used to illustrate the size of a new baby's stomach and we were told that if we bottle feed we would have to stretch this stomach to 5 times it's size in order to get enough nutrition into the baby.....I was horrified and very glad I would be breastfeeding.
Small fast-forward to the birth of my son.  23 hours of labour, (very drugged up), followed by a C-section were definately NOT part of my birth plan but I'll post my full birth story another time (once the nightmares have stopped...lol).  By the time they'd sewn me back up I was sooo exhausted and shaking so much I barely knew where I was.  I got a quick peep at Bubba then they gave me a drink of water and they tried latching him on but I can't really remember much at this stage. 
Back on the ward I took Bubba in my arms and tried to latch him on again.  He didn't really take much and it was a bit sore but I had expected that.  We spent that first night just staring at eachother....shell shocked!
Over the next few days I invested all of my time and energy into getting him feeding but he was having none of it...he just screamed.  At least 10 different people helped me latch him on but he just came straight off.  He was getting some milk but I could tell he wasn't happy at all.  I stuck with it through 5 of the hardest days of my life...we both cried non-stop and the midwives even topped him up with formula through a syringe to try and ease the stress but it didn't help for long.
On day 5 the midwife came to visit me at home.  I had just finished feeding him for 4 hours straight and was in excruciating pain.  The midwife very helpfully pointed out that he was crying as he was still hungry and I burst into tears.  What more can I do?  I was getting zero sleep and he screamed almost constantly as he was so hungry.  She told me to stick with it but also observed that he was a very lazy baby and suckling the breast was too much like hard work for him.  That day I went out and bought formula and bottles.  That was the day our lives were transformed.  Finally I could sleep again and, more importantly, my baby settled with a full belly.
I will always be sad that I'm not breastfeeding him but I will never regret the decision to switch to bottle feeding...any benefits of breast milk must have been negated by the stress he was suffering.
So, here I sit as a bottle feeding mum trying to spread the word that bottle feeding mums aren't lazy and we're well aware that 'breast is best' thankyou very much.  No-one would chose to bottlefeed, it's a logistical nightmare and very expensive.
I am absolutely delighted for anyone who can breastfeed quite easily or are able to weather the storm of the first few weeks but spare a thought for those of us who simply can't and try not to judge us too much.....I really did try my breast.
xxx

WIP Wednesday.

Following Tami's WIP Wednesday posts, I thought I would post a photo of the aforementioned blanket that I'm making for one of my sisters.  I'm so much quicker at crochet than knitting but it's still taking me forever...perhaps the 11 week old baby has something to do with that!

Project so far:

Each square section is about 30cm across and I'm joining them as I go rather than sewing together at the end...it's so much neater.  I'll do 4 x 6 squares I think then finish with a border all the way round the outside...probably just in black as it frames it really well.  I know how lonely it can be heading off to Uni so I thought this would cheer up my sister and remind her of me if she's a wee bit sad!

Bubba randomly had a monster sleep last night from 8pm until 8am, only waking once at 4.30am for a feed.  Muchos sleep a happy mummy doth make!
Here is the nutter bashing his baby gym animals (age 10 weeks):

Well, am now sat here with a dilema.  Part of we wants to get moving and go out for a walk, the lazy side of me just wants to laze about today......m..u..s..t......g..e...t.....m..o....v..i.n....g!!

Blogging Jumble.

Yes, I know....where the hell have I been?
Well, having observed Bubba for a couple of days acting a bit more wierd than normal I decided to ring NHS Direct and they instructed me to take him directly to A&E.....nothing like an over-reaction to set the heart racing!  Basically, to cut a long story short, we had to stay in hospital for 3 nights, nothing was wrong but they gave him a blood test, 3 lumbar punctures and an IV course of antibiotics for good measure.  The nurses were amazing but the doctors a nightmare as they insisted Bubba must be having seizures or something equally worrying.....there was simply no telling them that he just has bad wind and was rather tired.
Speaking of nightmares, the following day after leaving hospital it was Baby Clinic time and I trundled up there for the first time, (no pesky Health Visitors invading my home anymore...hooray)!  The 'lady' looked at Bubba's bum in horror.  I should point out that due to the antibiotics we were enjoying a runny poo festival which had given my son a sore bum.  It was a straighforward sore bum for which I was administering lashings of Sudocrem and it was clearing slowly.  Not so according to the 'lady'.  He most definately had thrush and I was neglecting to seek proper treatment.  I tried to explain that a Paediat.....Baby Doctor had seen him the previous day but she was having none of it.  Baby was crying, I was stressed and I left almost in tears.  Not a good experience.  I want to take my baby's perfectly healed bum and stick it right in that bitch's face.  I hope she has thrush.

On the crafting front I am mostly cracking on with a crochet blanket for my middle-little sister to take to Uni later this year.  I must say I'm rather pleased with it although it meant I just had to buy more wool much to my partners dismay......by dismay I mean "What the fuck do you need more bastard wool for"?  Hehe.

Bubba is now 11 weeks old and amuses himself by peeing on me every time I change his nappy...little bugger.  He took it to new heights the other night when he projectile shat all over me....not good at 3am and having just peed all over the first clean nappy, (and my shoulder).  We've moved him into his own room and the big cot...mainly for sanity reasons but partially to protect my partner....if I see him sleeping whilst I'm feeding the baby then I really want to kill him.  Bubba sleeps much better now.  I'm planning to go back to Baby Clinic and tell the 'lady' that I've made this move and also tried him on a spoon of baby rice.  That should rile the bitch a wee bit!!

Right, that beer in the fridge is simply not going to drink itself.  I think I should adjust my pre-baby aspirations of becoming Mother of the Year.....I honestly thought it would be easy!!

Give Me Strength!

Phew!  Been one hell of a day and it's not over yet!  My bubba has spent most of it screaming.....not crying, actually wailing and shrieking.  It's utterly heartbreaking.  He's really tired but as soon as he gets off to sleep he throws his arms in the air and cries out.....I have concluded that it's trapped wind as he's farting for Wales every time I pick him up.  I've given him Infacol and he's downed almost 5oz of water (even refused milk as it's water he wanted) but nothing seems to shift his bloody wind.  I suspect that it's not the formula so much as all the other variables that cause these problems.  Have the bottles been sterilised correctly, did you make up the bottle bang-on and to the right temperature, how long before you fed him did you make the bottle etc etc.  It really is tough for a mum who so desperately wanted to breastfeed to see her baby going through this pain.
I'm just trying to ride the formula train until I can start the weaning process but it's very hard.
He's now straining and crying to have a poo so I need to give him reassuring cuddles with a G&T for me afterwards me thinks!
Wish me luck! xxx

Me Likey Long Time!

Wowsers!  I hear you cry...surely not two posts in one day!  I had to hop on and link an awesome new blog belonging to a new friend of mine.  We met, (in the virtual sense), through our pregnancy and thankfully she has decided to also write a blog.  Excellent news for me as I can have a nosey at a mum who also has a teeny baby.

Having just read the first post I can tell I'm going to love it and thought you might too!!

Here's the link...go have a peep :)

http://manic-mum-day.blogspot.com/

Thanks, Kerry xxx

While You Were Sleeping.

My darling son is not a great sleeper, he will fight with all his might to stay awake and has been known to allow me less than two hours sleep during the night.  It seems to have been decided, (although I wasn't invited to the meeting), that I will do all of the nightly feeding/cuddling/changing and for that reason I set up camp downstairs on the sofa.  Yes, our front room is not only a small zoo but also a nursery at the moment.  Now, the official reason for this is that my partner is working and needs his sleep but I would like to share with you the real reason.

Picture the scene for a moment:
It's 2am, darling baby is screaming and I trudge downstairs to make up a bottle.....I wish I had been able to breastfeed.  I perch, very uncomfortably, on the edge of our super-squishy matress and start to feed bubba.  My head is bobbing about all over the place as I fight off sleep, (it really is a miracle that I haven't dropped him during the night), and my partner stirs.  Does he check that we're ok?  Does he hell!  He rolls over as if to avoid being disturbed by our happy little party.  Were I not holding a baby, it is at this moment that I would smash his face in.  I really, really want to lash out at him and I can only put it down to sheer exhaustion coupled with a baby screeching in my earhole.  Instead of smothering him with a pillow I sit downstairs, make a brew and put the telly on....ok, I usually have a sneaky bag of Wotsits too but I need the energy, (no wonder I still look pregnant)!!

I long to climb back into bed, (the sofa is extremely uncomfortable), but I fear that my mugshot may end up all over the news.  NEW MUM BLUDGEONS SLEEPING PARTNER WITH A TOMMEE TIPPEE!

Alas, I fear I am destined to sleep on the sofa evermore......

In The Bag Baby!

Well, here I am again having finally surfaced 9 weeks after giving birth, (can you call it giving birth if you had a c-section?!), and I'm ready to crack on once again with the blogging malarky.
You may notice some changes to my blog....I am now a mumbling mum and the crafting, although not gone completely, has taken a serious back seat.
I've learned so much over the past few weeks.  You could say that I've had a peep behind the puppet show and seen the strings.....motherhood is bloody hard work....and quite lonely...very frustrating...constant worrying and an absolute delight all rolled into one, (although very much the hard stuff in these early weeks).
I could ramble for pages about babies and my own wee beastie but would probably not blog very much having done so.  Instead I'll dedicate each post to something I've learned or just want to share.
Please please please write comments and give feedback as I'd love to think that a struggling mum may one day read this and find some solice in our experiences.

So, my first post is all about what to take to the hospital in your labour bag.  I must have read 20 lists detailing everything I would need and quite frankly they missed out at least one very, very important item.

Massive, over-the-belly-and-far-far-away pants.  Here's why:

I didn't expect to have a c-section, I knew about them but it didn't really click that I might have to have one.  I did.  So, it's the day after my op, I'm bleeding (a lot), can't even bear to think about my wound and basically just crying a lot.  I need to use one of those super-delux enormous pads (they were included in the list) but unfortunately the top of my knickers sit right in the fold where my darling son emerged from and I definately can't wear them.  It didn't occur to me (well, I was very busy weeping) that I could get enormous pants from just about anywhere so I didn't request that anyone bring me any.  Instead I sat on a giant bed pad feeling grubby and disgusting for 3 days.....oh, the joys of motherhood!  Upon returning home I went straight out and bought 15 pairs and proudly wear them to this day, (although my belly is very, very slowly shrinking).
My partner finds said pants particularly amusing and takes every opportunity to hold a pair aloft and declare that he thought they were a babygrow/tent/t-shirt and chuckle merrily.  Sometimes you just don't realise how much danger you are really in!
Ladies - Don't forget your massive pants!!

So, what's the one thing you'd advise a mother-to-be must bring to the hospital?

I couldn't sign off without a photo of my bubba :