Thursday, November 7, 2013

Vomit Was Not on My Agenda.

So, you've made it through the day...just you and the wee man (mine is almost 3 now...although it feels like 30 years) since silly o'clock this morning and you are on the countdown....only an hour until bedtime.....20 minutes (start mobilising)....10 minutes (fill bottles, mentally locate pyjamas)...BEDTIME...hooray!
This was my day today.  My little squidger went straight to sleep issues (apart from a slight disagreement about brushing teeth).
I sit down and make a start on the pile of admin....even indulged in a glass of wine (wit woo).....and then I hear it....that unmistakeable sound of a vomiting toddler...and he's in MY bed.
Vomit is my least favourite of all the bodily functions and yet, when it's your child, you offer up your hand as a sick bowl while you frantically analyse if your wee monkey is very ill or merely sick from coughing.
We are now watching a particularly rubbish dvd and I have no idea about tonights sleeping arrangements...but I have wine so life is good :)

Santa...all I want this year is a good nights sleep.....I've been (mostly) very good!

Wednesday, August 28, 2013

Alex the Lion can Bugger Off.

It is now 3.28am.
We (and by we I mean my son) are now requesting Madagascar on Madagascar on....there was a Pooh Bear thrown in there somewhere in between somersaults (is that really how you spell that?!).

I made the following statement in response:

'Hell no'.

He is now biting at the zip on a cushion and asking to paint.


We are going upstairs.....the stair gate is on so he can do as he is most certainly sleep time for mumma.


Snails Anyone?

It is 2.43am.
My son has been up for 20 minutes.  As I try to type he is demanding my attention over at the snail tank....every so often the snails are rewarded with a break as he 'assists' the poor hamster to spin his wheel. 
This nightime escapade follows, at a rough, weary guestimate, an hour of lying on my sons floor punctuated by singing, cuddling and a bokkie milk.  The beast then awoke fully demanding 'pasta and meat'.
Seldom do I give in and come downstairs but I really needed a brew.  Saying that, he rarely wakens at this hour so I can forgive a rare nocturnal episode.  It just means that he will sleep at nursery tomorrow and piss my £40 fee up the wall slightly.  And I will have to work very tired....but that I am used to along with the rest of the working parents out there.

Anything but crying...or screaming...or biting.  Hamster baiting is actually encouraged.

Look how tired he is:

Please let it be sleep time soon....amen x

It has been a while....but here goes!

Oh blog how I have missed thee.  A chance to ramble on about complete nonsense in the hope that someone finds it remotely interesting.
So, my son is now 2.5 years old...although I need a physicist to explain why I have aged exactly 7 years in this time.  I never get asked for ID since having a child, (if I worked in an alcohol shop I would ask weary looking women for ID just to give them a boost).  I am now a single mum and have been for just over a year.  It's been a tough year.  I left my job (as my son was full time in nursery and I felt lonely and missed him a stupid amount) and started my own business.  Why I didn't do it years ago is beyond me.  Life is good.  But I don't write this blog to ramble on about the greater meaning of life, it is my chance to vent about the challenges every day, the mundane and weird stuff that you accept as a parent.

A few weeks back, when the sun actually appeared, I had to say both of the following sentences to my son in the same day:

Please stop licking mummys car.

Please stop lapping water from the paddling pool like a dog.

Needless to say he ignored both requests and I just shook my head.  Each to their own my son but you are weird!

Today he has been eating glitter.  Normally I can hide these strange tendencies but as said glitter will make a dazzling appearance in his nappy at nursery tomorrow I shall have to admit to it in the morning.  As the mother who had to explain why my son had taken a bag of potatoes to nursery one particular morning, the glitter will come as no great surprise to the staff.

Now he sleeps.  Now I drink wine.  The tipsy calm before another storm.

I will try to blog every day....but hey, I vacuum about once a month and rarely change my bedding so you might not see me for another year....but I will try.

Later alligators x

Friday, December 9, 2011

Dyson Attachment Toys

It's official, I'm a very irresponsible mum.  The wee man was playing with an attachment for the Dyson this morning and insisted on taking it in the car to nursery.  Played with it all the way home too.  I'm quite sure that pieces of vacuum cleaners are not the most sanitary of toys - especially as he must chew on everything like a puppy.
Still, I've always said that if he'd only sleep on sheeps poo then I'd have a flock of them living in the back garden!
I had a quick read of the newspaper this afternoon at work, (I was on my break - honest), and was a tad annoyed to see that Abbey Clancy is getting a hard time for allowing her baby to sleep on the sofa beside her dog whilst she was on a photo shoot.  For heavens sake, leave the girl alone.  I'm fed up of mums being judged - especially by other mums.  Nuff said!
I've been cutting up some of the wee mans old baby clothes.  Anything still wearable has been passed alomg to those who need it but I couldn't bear to throw out the stained stuff when there's so many memories attached.  Instead I've cut the unstained parts into squares and plan to make a very simple patchwork quilt.  As soon as we've moved house I'll do a step-by-step guide to making the quilt in case anyone out there fancies having a go.  I plan on doing lots of tutorials next year and posting more photos too....all this writing is rather too boring.
Here's a photo of the wee man for good measure!

Later Alligators xx

Thursday, December 8, 2011

Back again!

What's that?  You didn't notice I'd been away?  Hadn't missed my ramblings about motherhood?

My gorgeous wee boy is now 11 months old - holy crapbags!  I've been back at work for about 3 months now and with none of that 'staged return' nonsense....I just plunged straight back into full time.  I posted a while back about my terror whilst even contemplating leaving the wee man with someone else and then I found the most AMAZING nursery.  It's like a state-of-the-art baby school.  As soon as I walked in (no appointment needed - big tick in the box) I knew that they could give him the sort of stimulation and education that I could only dream of doing at home.  The staff 'clock in' to happy mode at 7.30am whereas it was pushing midday at home before I felt organised enough to get anything done. 
The first few days he cried when I passed him over but then I randomly placed him on the floor one morning so he could crawl in himself.....we've never looked back and he doesn't even notice I've gone - he just legs it to the toys!
I have no idea about his stages of development...that is, I don't know what exactly an 11 month old 'should' be capable of.  I purposely steer clear of information telling me anything about babies!  I also detest people bragging about what their clever little creatures have achieved and frighteneing the bejesus out of the rest of us who's babies have not yet mastered fire-eating or driving the car.  All babies are different, as long as they're loved and having a marvellous time then nothing else matters really.
At least people have stopped saying "enjoy him while he's so small, he'll grow up so fast".  Actually, no.  It feels like he is 11 months old and that's because I have savoured and enjoyed every.single.minute. 
He's a cheeky wee bugger though, I can't deny it.  Is it wrong that I absolutely love it?  I love him being so self-assured that he's a bit cocky even at this age.  If you're not watching him open and close the kitchen drawers then he'll shout you.  Grinning.  His favourite 'game' is to offer you something and say 'ta' so you reach to get it.  At the last second he pulls it away and belly laughs at your stupidity.  I could play that game with him for hours!
Well, winter is gripping the nation and darkness rules most of our lives (glad I don't work shifts) at the minute.  I needed to find a way to keep the wee man toastie warm and i thought 'aaah, tights'.  Turns out they don't really have boys in mind when making tights.  I've hunted high and low and all I can find (that doesn't have bows or include a pink pair) are from Sainsburys.  Why on earth are tights only for girls?  They're perfect for the winter - especially if your wee one is a serial sock-remover like mine.
I'd best be moving on...have an old friend in, not a human friend -still not found any of those - but a bottle of wine....oh, how I have missed thy deliciousness!
Just before I skoot, for all you busy folks here in the UK there is a range of meals just out by Somebody Bigham...must be a famous chef but I canny remember his first name....not much use to you really. I think.  Had the Thai green chicken curry this evening.  It like an uncooked, pre-packed meal but full of flavour and goodness.  It's the sort of thing you could serve at a dinner party (not that I ever have those) where people would be convinced you made it yourself.  Anyway, it was scrumptious and only £4.50 in Sainsburys (serves 2).
Righto - wine and World of Warcraft now......classy bird me! xxx

Tuesday, August 16, 2011

So Much To Do....So Little Time.

It's midday, my 7 month old baby has finally given in to sleep and having a nap.  Might last 10 minutes or I may get an hour of blissful quiet and precious freedom.  I'm half dressed.  That is, I've managed clean underwear and a pair of jeans but still wearing the t-shirt I slept in which has now been decorated by my baby with some sort of unidentifiable foodstuff.  Time ticks by, slowly.
I've found the lonliness such a shock.  Yes, you go places, see people and have plenty to fill the days with but motherhood seems very isolating.  Lack of sleep and the need to constantly devote your attention to being a mum is relentless.  Don't get me wrong, I'm not depressed or unhappy in any way and I'll soldier on as usual but it's still hard.
My partner has returned to work after 2 weeks off and I'm still trying to catch up with myself not realising how much easier it is with two people.
Tomato soup is calling my name and my tummy is responding with a low growl.  It's little wonder I've lost 2 stone in the last 3 months!
I am here, just need to get my blogging groove back again :)